Testimony Through Tears Podcast
Real conversations for Christian moms grieving a child’s suicide loss — comfort, community, and hope in Jesus for the hardest journey. Pull up a chair and know you’re not alone.
Trusting God with a Life You Didn’t Choose
Nobody chooses this. If you'd been handed a menu of lives, "lose my child to suicide" would never have been on it. And yet here we are — living a life we didn't choose, serving a God we still believe is good. Trusting God after loss isn't the cheerful, easy kind of...
Learning to Hear God Again After Silence
Have you ever prayed and heard... nothing? Not a whisper, not a nudge, just silence so loud it hurts your ears? After loss, a lot of moms tell me they feel like God went quiet. The prayers that used to feel like conversation now feel like talking to an empty room. And...
When the Shock Is Gone, But the Questions Remain
This is where it all started — the very first episode of Testimony Through Tears. When you lose a child to suicide, the first days and weeks are a blur of shock. People are around, meals show up, and your heart is just trying to survive the next hour. But then the...
My Testimony
This one is personal. It's my story — all of it. If you're new here, my name is Janet, and in January of 2025, I lost my youngest daughter Samantha to suicide. She was 26. We were extremely close, and losing her shattered my world in ways I'm still discovering. In...
Faithful and Still Wounded
Can I tell you something nobody says out loud in church? You can be faithful... and still be wounded. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us picked up the idea that strong faith means you're fine. That if you really trusted God, the grief wouldn't still knock the wind...
Lord, Make My Feet Pretty
"How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!" (Romans 10:15, ESV) Now, I know what you're thinking — pretty feet? In the middle of grief? Just stay with me for a minute. When I lost Samantha, my feet could barely carry me from the bed to the kitchen....
You Are Not Alone
Three little words. And yet when you’re a mom grieving a child lost to suicide, they can feel like the biggest lie in the world. Because grief is lonely. Even in a crowded room, even at church, even surrounded by people who love you — there’s a particular aloneness...
When Loss Becomes Testimony
Here's something I never expected: the worst thing that ever happened to me became the very thing God uses most. When Samantha died, I couldn't see past the next breath. The idea that this loss could ever become a testimony — that God could actually use it — felt...
Grief Is Not a Lack of Faith: Debunking the Myth
Let’s bust a myth that’s hurt more grieving moms than I can count: the idea that if your faith were stronger, your grief would be smaller. Somebody, somewhere, decided that tears mean doubt and sorrow means spiritual weakness. So moms sit in church feeling like...
What Moms Wish the Church Knew About Suicide Loss
This one’s for the church folks — pastors, women’s ministry leaders, Sunday school teachers, and every well-meaning believer who’s ever thought, “I want to help, but I have no idea what to do.” Here’s what grieving moms wish you knew: we don’t need you to have...
Glorifying God in Grief
Glorifying God in grief sounds like one of those phrases that belongs on a coffee mug — until you're actually living it. Then it feels less like a slogan and more like a daily choice you make with tears in your eyes. Here's what I've come to understand: glorifying God...
When Grief Feels Unreal
Have you ever felt like you're watching your own life through a window? Like the grief is happening to someone else and you're just... numb? That unreal feeling is one of grief's strangest tricks. Your heart knows your child is gone, but your body hasn't caught up....
Matthew 5:4 — Blessed Are Those Who Mourn
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4, ESV). I'll be honest — the first time I really heard that verse after losing Samantha, it made me a little mad. Blessed? Me? I didn't feel blessed. I felt broken. But the longer I sit with it,...
When the Weight Is More Than You Can Bear
You've heard people say "God won't give you more than you can handle." Sweet mom, I'm going to be straight with you: that's not in the Bible. And grief after losing a child to suicide will absolutely give you more than you can handle. I know, because I've been there —...
When Darkness Took My Child
Can we talk about the darkness? And I don’t mean the darkness of grief that comes afterward — I mean the darkness in this world that took our children. The Bible tells us the devil “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8, ESV)....
Replaying the Moments
Does your mind have a replay button that won't turn off? Mine did. The last conversation. The signs I missed. The things I said, the things I didn't say. Over and over, like a movie I never bought a ticket for but can't walk out of. And every replay brings the same...
Patience in Suffering
Nobody tells you that grief is slow. We want it to have a timeline — six months, a year, some finish line where we get our "normal" back. But grief doesn't work on our schedule. It works on God's, and His clock and mine have never quite matched. James knew something...
Is It Okay to Be Angry at God?
It's the question so many grieving moms are afraid to ask out loud: Is it okay to be angry at God? After losing a child to suicide, anger at God can feel like the ultimate betrayal — like the one Person who should be your refuge has become the target of your rage. So...
Supporter Edition: When the Grocery Store Feels Impossible
Here's something most people don't realize about a grieving mom: the grocery store might as well be Mount Everest. Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? But think about it — the fluorescent lights, the cheerful music, the small talk at checkout, the mom in the next aisle with...
When the Accuser Gets Loud
This episode is different. I'm not teaching from the mountaintop here — I'm inviting you into one of the darkest valleys I've walked since Samantha left us. Because the accuser got loud in my life. "You couldn't even keep your daughter alive." "Nobody needs you...
The Anger No One Talks About After Suicide Loss
Let's talk about the feeling nobody wants to admit to in church: anger. Anger at the situation. Anger at the people who didn't see it coming. Anger at yourself. And the one that scares moms most — anger at God. It sits there like a stone in your chest, and then the...
When the Waves Come
Grief doesn't move in a straight line. It moves in waves. You'll be doing okay — maybe even having a good day — and then out of nowhere, a song, a smell, a date on the calendar, and the wave crashes over you like you haven't cried in months. And you think: "I thought...
Supporter Edition: What She Actually Needs Right Now
This episode is for the supporters — the friends, family members, church folks, and coworkers who love a grieving mom and desperately want to help but have no idea where to start. Here's the honest truth: she probably can't tell you what she needs. Not because she...
Carrying Their Story Forward
One of the biggest fears grieving moms confess to me is this: "What if everyone forgets them?" As the months go by, people stop saying their name. The world moves on. And you're left holding all these precious memories, terrified that if you don't keep telling their...
Replaying the Moments
A gentle place to begin If you are a grieving mom carrying guilt after your child’s suicide, you may be living with questions that never seem to rest. What did I miss?Could I have stopped it?Was I enough?Did I fail my child? These questions can become...
If you or someone you love is struggling, you can call or text 988 anytime to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.